


Simple Human Emotion Weighs Me Down

by bluesuede



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec and Izzy take care of each other, Angst, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Good Sibling Isabelle Lightwood, Insecurity, Men Crying, Protective Siblings, Sad Alec Lightwood, Self-Esteem Issues, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Love, This ain’t canon, just a fic I wrote when I was sad probably, this is just all angst tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 17:39:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15690204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluesuede/pseuds/bluesuede
Summary: The Lightwood siblings would do anything for each other but even that doesn’t stop them from aching sometimes.





	Simple Human Emotion Weighs Me Down

**Author's Note:**

> Let me start this fic off by saying a few things:  
> 1\. I am seemingly incapable of writing in any tense other than past  
> 2\. I can’t write a Lightwood childhood fic that doesn’t contain a bout of sadness as I truly believe their childhood were not fun and happy  
> 3\. I deperately want it to be fall and winter so I can only write fics set in those seasons  
> 4\. This was previously part of a series of mine but after some thought it just didn’t feel like a true part of the series so here is this one shot that is canon compliant although I don’t think it is canon
> 
> That being said, Happy reading!

Alec usually prided himself on his ability to follow rules and adhere to a strict code of conduct but even he couldn’t deny that the tv his siblings had snuck into the Institute was an amazing addition to Izzy’s room. Izzy had even figured out how to get cable so they could watch all the mundane tv they wanted but Alec had never doubted her as she was easily the smartest person in the Institute. Alec’s guess was that she somehow tapped into another person’s access and rerouted it to the Institute while Jace thought that she had convinced someone to pay the bill for her monthly. 

However she had done it, she was a genius and Alec would forever be grateful for it. Often times he found himself in Izzy’s room, watching bad reality shows to get away from his own reality. Watching privileged people fight with each other was better than fighting the one within himself. The covers that scoured her bed were always a great bonus as well. Izzy had taken the money the Clave paid shadowhunters and ran with it. Buying herself nice clothing, and expensive sheets. Alec had yet to touch his, he didn’t feel like he deserved nice things.

Right now he was lying underneath a deep red comforter watching a Christmas movie about a magic train play. Before they had gotten the tv a couple of years ago they never paid any mind to the holiday and for the most part they still didn’t. As a culture, shadowhunters didn’t care much for holidays or celebrations as living to see another day was celebration enough. Previous to sneaking in the tv, the only way they knew Christmas was approaching was if they looked at a calendar, saw snow falling, or if a couple of shadowhunters switched out a black shirt for a maroon one.

Now the Lightwood siblings enjoyed the movies that played during holiday seasons and would go out of their way to make sure they watched them together as their own little way of celebrating. So that’s how Alec found himself buried below warm blankets, with Izzy next to him above the covers painting her toes, and Jace on the floor in front of the bed munching on carrots. Alec had been having a bit of a bad day, he had woken up feeling sad and his mother had come back from a trip ready to rip into each of her children.

Izzy was demeaned for the clothing she wore and her personal relationships, Jace had been nicely reminded to be careful on missions, and Alec had been yelled at for not keeping his siblings in line. Overall bad, but it could have been worse. Being with Jace and Izzy had helped a little bit but he still felt tired and sad lying there but some days were just like that he supposed.

Alec had been so fully invested in the movie that he hadn’t realized his phone was buzzing until Izzy had pointed it out. It was a message from his mother telling him to meet her in her office. Alec had to take a second to steel himself as he obeyed, ignoring the sympathetic looks his siblings were throwing him as he walked out.

Here was the worse.

 

_____

 

Alec found it very hard to keep himself from crying on the way back to Izzy’s room.

Maryse had found one problem in a report he had written and felt the need to remind Alec of everything else he had failed at. He needed to make sure the Institute’s systems were updated, and that the wards were being maintained, and that they needed new weapons next month, and that he needed to tell Izzy to behave herself, and why couldn’t he be more like Jace because was it really that hard to be a just basic shadowhunter Alec. Things he had all failed to do when she had been gone but of course Alec couldn’t yell and scream at her that he had all those things scheduled to be done within the next to week or that Izzy was a better shadowhunter than even he and Jace were or that he had beaten Jace in sparring last week. Because it didn’t matter to Maryse. He didn’t matter to Maryse. He had known that for a long time but it never hurt any less to realize it again. So yeah, all he really wanted to do was drown himself in Izzy’s bed and cry. 

He had reached his baby sister’s room, walked in, taken off his shoes, and laid down in bed. Pulling the covers up to his nose, lying his head down away from the tv, and started to cry. 

“Hey big brother, you don’t want to watch the movie anymore? It’s your favorite.” Izzy, who had still been sitting in bed, rubbed his back which only made him cry harder. 

“N-no Iz. I jus-just want to sleep.” Alec cried and he hated himself for crying in front of his brother and sister. He was supposed to be a leader and he was supposed to be strong. Yet another thing he had failed at. “I-I’m sorry.” 

“Alec there is nothing to be sorry for. You don’t ever have to apologize for having feelings. Now, why don’t we turn down the lights and lay down for bed.” Izzy shuffled to get beneath the blankets and spooned her brother, his back to her chest. She had found out during their younger ears when Alec would come into her room at night crying that this comforted him. 

On the other side of Alec, Jace had made his way to the bed after shutting off the lights although he had left the tv on. Alec was still crying but at least now they couldn’t see him, the hiccuping sobs leaving his mouth unpresidented. Alec felt Izzy move her hand to his forehead pressing her cool hand to his heated skin and then moved to mess with his hair. Knowing that it always calmed him down and put him to sleep. 

Alec’s cries had subsided as he was falling asleep. His body heavy with exhaustion and sadness, his eyes swollen and hot from crying but he felt safe lying here next to the two people who cared about him most. Izzy’s fingers were still moving in his hair and on his back and everything was quiet except for the low muttering of the movie that was all but forgotten. Alec felt his body finally relax for the first time that day as the edges of his visions started to blur. 

 

Izzy felt when Alec finally drifted off to sleep. His body heaved with the release of the weight he carried on his shoulders. Her heart ached to know it would be back the next morning but at least for now, for a few hours, her brother could rest.

**Author's Note:**

> So this fic wasn’t beta’d so any and all mistakes are mine. I hope you guys enjoyed this fic as I am very proud of it even though it was a sad one.
> 
> The title is from Troye Sivan’s The Fault In Our Stars (MMXlV)
> 
> Please feel free to leave me your thoughts and opinions down below in the comments! Until next time which is hopefully soon as I have some great things planned in these upcoming months.


End file.
